Translation of woman english into men english

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish..................................49
Adventurous........................Slept with everyone
Athletic................................No breasts
Average looking..................Moooo
Beautiful..............................Pathological liar
Emotionally Secure.............On medication
Feminist...............................Fat
Free Spirit...........................Junkie
Friendship first....................Former Slut
New-Age.............................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned......................No B.J.'s
Open-minded......................Desperate
Outgoing.............................Loud and embarrassing
Professional........................B I T C H
Voluptuous.........................Very fat
Large frame........................Hugely fat
Wants soul mate.................Stalker

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DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

Yes.....................................No
No.....................................No!
Maybe...............................No
We need.............................I want
I am sorry......................... You'll be sorry
We need to talk..................You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead...................You better not
Do what you want..............You will pay for this later
I am not upset.....................Of course I am upset, you moron!
You're very attentive tonight......Is sex all you ever think about?

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DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry..........................I am hungry
I am sleepy...........................I am sleepy
I am tired..............................I am tired
Nice dress............................Nice cleavage!
love you..............................Let's have sex now
I am bored............................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?.................I'd like to have sex with you.
C an I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?.....I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.

:D :D :D